Zombie Attack?

I don’t know what’s going on in Austin, Texas, but for the sake of humanity I need to get to the bottom of it. First, the facts: people in Austin have changed some traffic signs to say things like “Zombies in area! Run” and “zombies ahead.” Austin officials have dismissed this as just the actions of vandals and hackers, people playing a joke on commuters. But what if there is more to this than mere immaturity?

What if Austin is experiencing the very beginning of a zombie outbreak? People tried to warn us about this, and most likely ended up having their brains eaten by zombies. They probably gave up their lives to save countless others during morning rush hour in Austin.

These people, vandals and hackers, as the government is calling them, are heroes. Their self-sacrifice has bought us time. We need to be ready to fight off hordes of zombies that will doubtless reduce Texas (and hopefully Oklahoma) to something of an undead breeding ground; Texas citizens will be the first to be turned, and their numbers will swell as Mexicans continue pouring over the border. Once Mexico puts up a fence to keep American zombies out, and they will, these zombies will move north. And we need to be ready for this. I urge everyone to start preparing for this: stock up on canned goods, sharpen your machetes, and if possible, prepare an island hideaway. Construction companies and the city of Austin are trying to keep this under wraps. It may be too late for Texas, but there is still hope for the rest of the country. We just need to get ready.