A plea on behalf of humanity

Ok, so, zombies. I would be lying if I said that I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about a zombie attack. I have a plan for what to do and where to go if an outbreak happens. I’m looking forward to destroying staircases to thwart the undead. I even have a competition going with Dick to see who can kill more zombies. But there is one aspect I had never fully considered.

What if the zombies win? What if the outbreak happens too quickly, and spreads uncontrollably, and humanity can’t come back from it. In World War Z it gets close to that, but people are able to survive, with winter in the Rockies protecting them from zombies. Eventually, humans are able to push back across the continent, killing all the zombies in a well-coordinated, methodical approach.

But let’s say that nothing saves humans, and zombies bring about our extinction. The zombie race would then die off too, as zombies decompose and go unreplaced. The world would essentially be preserved, almost like a Pompeii without the ashes, as zombies have neither need nor desire for human contraptions.

Imagine if the world remains essentially untouched for centuries; sure, some things would break down, but so much of what we created isn’t biodegradable that the world would still essentially be a giant diorama of human life. So, being preserved in that state, what if an alien race lands on earth.

Seriously, what would alien historians think when they came to earth? Presumably, because in my mind aliens are all-powerful, they would be able to figure out what happened to all the people. But what would they think when they started studying human culture. Like, imagine if these aliens found the DVDs (and they would have the technology to play them, just go with this, please) for movies like 28 Weeks Later and Zombies vs. Vampires. They would have to think humans were the dumbest creatures ever. Like, we saw all this coming, we knew how to stop it, and still the zombies killed us all. Aliens would just laugh at us.

Humanity deserves better than that. So I’m pleading with everyone that reads this, both of you, prepare for a zombie uprising, not only so you survive, but so that aliens don’t think we’re really stupid. Thank you.