Things I passed driving through Illinois this weekend

My sincerest apologies to, well most likely no one, for not posting for sometime and therein not providing you with things to not read what I haven't posted, which thereby failed to pique your interest. I just made myself dizzy.

A quick bulleted list of things I past by, through, and around whilst I romped across the land of Lincoln:

-Speaking of Lincoln, I stopped in Vandalia the home of the former Illinois State Capitol, where I was emancipated from my hunger by one of the more delicious Sonics I've visited

-Mattoon, IL: home to famed writer and Suffering Idiot's hero Will Leitch (I can only assume my existence as a talisman of the New York Giants was compromised by this locale and its saturation in all things Buzzsaw)

-A vanity plate: GSUSNME (it might help you decipher that if you know that the bumper of the accompanying vehicle was peppered with eight biblical bumper stickers)

-Effingham, Illinois. Apparently named after Edward Effingham from England. I think it was named after the first newlywed bride to honeymoon there. "Oh yeah, the honeymoon is going great! I'm crazy about effing him!"

-Effingham also has a giant cross made out of aluminum siding at the intersection of 3 major highways. Read that again. If that doesn't inspire you to be saved while you're trucking across country, then your ass was destined to burn.

-A man. And not like passed a man who was standing on the side of the road, or I passed a giant picture of a car salesman on a billboard. No, I passed a man while I was in the fast lane. And I passed him by less than 3 feet. He was sprinting across the highway and he was not leaving himself much room for error. Guesses as to what the fuck was going on abound.

-I passed (or rather did not pass for 5 fucking miles!) two identical trucks traveling at exactly the same speed directly next to each other on a two lane highway. After I confirmed that I was not in the Matrix, I screamed like a kamikaze pilot until a blood vessel popped and the truck in the "fast" lane finally passed the other.

-And finally my favorite: all along I-57N there are sing-songy rhymes on the side of the road with each of the lines spaced out about 100 feet from the one before and after it. Creates a pretty nice cadence really. The topic of the nursery rhymes? Our beloved 2nd amendment, of course! Unfortunately, their website is down so their rhymes are currently inaccessible, but you can find their latest print issues in .pdf format there. It's soul-shakingly scary.

Check out the lead story in December 2008 detailing how there's a run on gun shops due to a democratic government and the imminent imposition of the government on the rights of good, hard-working Americans to cause accidental and purposeful deaths. Cheers!