Thumbs Anyone?

Thumbs up: Sarah Palin. She gave her big speech in Hong Kong this week. I don't know what she was blathering on about. I'm sure she sounded very smart. But she managed to give the entire speech without saying "death panel" once. I feel like this is her first step, albeit a very, very small one, towards respectability. But it probably isn't.

Thumbs down: The Ukraine. They won't let Elton John and his partner adopt an HIV-positive baby. That's fucked up. If we, as a global community, will let Nadya Suleman have eight kids, we can't not let Elton John have at least one.

Thumbs Up: Motherfuckin' football season is here! As a Mets fan, this football season feels like the first time they served beer after Prohibition ended. And it seems like it's going to be a pretty good season, too, what with all the last second finishes and shittiness of the Cowboys.
Thumbs down: The Yankees being back in the playoffs. How awesome was it last year when the Yankees weren't in the playoffs? Weren't we all happier, even for just a few days? Well now that's over. And worse yet - - the Yankees are really fuckin' good this year.

Thumbs Up: New Thursday night TV. The Office has always been outstanding. New comers Parks and Recreation (recently featuring Amy Poehler rapping 'Parents Just Don't Understand') and Community (simultaneously funny and insulting to each and every student pursuing their Associate's) are solid. Add 30 Rock's triumphant return this week and cap it all off with a little It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and there's really no reason to leave the couch or associate with actual people on Thursday.

Thumbs Down: Commuting during the school year. It now takes me 15 minutes to drive through a neighborhood that should logically take less than one. The weird thing is, I don't even see that many buses on the road. It's the cops who have nothing better to do than guard our crosswalks and stay at home parents who won't wait an extra hour before running errands that kill me. Nothing rips the soul out through your eye sockets quite like sitting through the same traffic light three times.

And we’re back. Again. At least I am. Get excited.

So it’s been a while. Here are some things that have caught my attention recently.

The guy who owns the Utah Jazz’ D-League team wants to stage a one on one game between Michael Jordan and Bryon Russell. He’ll make a donation to the winner’s charity of choice. Tremendously noble. But he thinks that this game should happen during halftime of his team’s season opener. Come on, how delusional is this guy? If Michael Jordan is going to play any sort of basketball game, I feel pretty comfortable saying that it won’t be during halftime of a Utah Flash game.

I drink almost exclusively from two cups. The first is a 7-11 GI Joe souvenir cup with Duke on it. I do have the entire set of four, but the Duke cup is my favorite. The second cup is a Phillies 2008 World Series Champions pint glass. To clear up any potential misconceptions about this glass, I didn’t steal it from a bar. At some point in the night I ended up with it, it became more of an effort to bring it back to the bar than to keep it, so I just brought it home with me. Again, not stealing. Brett Myers would understand. Also, GI Joe and the Phillies? Convince me I’m not an eight year old.

Moammar Gadhafi is saying things. I didn’t read this whole article, because it was boring, but one part of it jumped out at me. Gadhafi wants to get rid of the veto power that the five permanent members of the Security Council have. I hope this proposal goes all the way through, and then at the very last minute we veto it. Fuck him. Also, the capitalization of teleprompter in this article amused me. TelePrompTer. Weird.

I have a new favorite website: http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/. The URL is a little bit misleading. No one is saying that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. I don’t know if Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But Glenn Beck has refused to deny that he raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. So did Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in 1990? Probably. Fuck him.

Last week I met someone who claims to have “no emotions.” That just isn’t true. To quote someone who is almost certainly a genius, “it means that she’s so emotional that she can’t feel any one emotion over all the others at catastrophically high levels.” You shouldn’t be walking away from people like this, you should be running.

This story was pretty funny. This coach is setting a precedent that may come back to kick his ass, but it’s still a pretty stand up move. Nevertheless, I still think that Chip Kelly is an asshole, and will continue to think so until he revokes LaGarrette Blount’s suspension. Yeah, Blount hit a guy in the face, but the guy probably deserved it, and Blount apologized like right away. The guy he hit has accepted the apology, so Oregon should drop their self-righteous, draconian punishment and let Blount have at least some of a senior season.

Sunday is International Michael Vick Appreciation Day. (That may not be actually true.) He’s going to destroy the Chiefs. He was holding back during the preseason. He’s going to score like six touchdowns. Adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly.

We'll write something soon, I swear.

Yeah?

Really, you want to get into this? Ok.

Hello, My Friend, Hello

It's been too long since I posted, so here's a quick thought to remind the Phils they still love it in the can.