Lunch break thoughts

I don’t know what’s wrong with the internet, but it’s a lot less interesting today than it is on most days. Drudge is on some crusade against STD prevention, probably because he has herpes (I think this qualifies as breaking a news story. Suck it, Matt), the Democrats are passing around a petition trying to get Rush Limbaugh to admit to being an asshole, or something like that, the Flyers lost last night and I don’t want to hear about the Superbowl, so sports are out, and no one has published anything about dinosaurs. And of course this happens on the day where I have like an hour and a half between classes, and no assignment to read.

Right now insanity is swirling around me; I’m surrounded by some of the weirdest conversations imaginable: the composition of fruit roll ups, jumping out of moving cars (evidently today is a bad day to be driving without a license), the timelessness of the Macarena, which Word automatically capitalizes, and the merits of being an idiot savant.

There’s a ton of snow and ice and slush on the ground, public and parochial schools in the city are closed, and I’m sitting in a classroom. Even schools in fucking St. Louis are closed. (Fuck you, Dick) I’m really struggling to understand why I have to be here today. Hell, we have a guest speaker coming in anyway, and he’s going to be talking about arbitration. Unless he brings up Ryan Howard in the first couple sentences, my attention span will be tested.

Henrik Zetterberg signed a 12 year, 72 million dollar contract extension today. He could have gotten a hell of a lot more money if he had waited until the summer, but he’s pretty much guaranteed a handful of Stanley Cups before he retires. But he’s already got a bunch, so it’s doubtful they’re worth the $25 million dollars he probably left on the table. That’s like 125 flights on Virgin Galactic, he’s missing out.

So you know what makes law school suck? I’ll start a day thinking that if I can get al my reading done early I’ll have time to work on outlines for finals. This is terrible. No one should ever be excited by the prospect of finishing work early to do more work. I feel like law school sucks the humanity out of people. But yeah, I’ll be working on an outline for torts tonight. Fuck.

Sportscenter really sucks. I mean, it was groundbreaking and all that years ago, but now they’re all about stories and shit like that. Brett Favre, TO, Radomski, Torre, all that crap, and I don’t care. Why can’t they show more highlights. They’ll show basketball, and like ten minutes of hockey, and if there’s a major they’ll throw in tennis or golf. But what about other cool stuff? Maybe show more soccer; Beckham scored for Milan, maybe they could show some Serie A. What about like Rugby, or lacrosse, or ping-pong? Chinese people are crazy at ping-pong, and I would like to see more of that. They could even get really weird, like have some Jai Alai footage. What about Eddie Feigner? Yeah, he’s dead now, but he could throw a softball triple digits, underhand. In his prime he struck out Willie Mays, Roberto Clemente, Willie McCovey, Harmon Killebrew, all of whom are hall of famers. Hell, he threw 238 perfect games. That’s insane. And I doubt he was ever mentioned on ESPN. But TO is getting a reality show. Fuck him.

Ahmadinejad is saying that the US must apologize to Iran. I know that Hillary Clinton won’t do it, but I’m pretty sure she would lock up presidential successor if she goes to a joint news conference with Ahmadinejad and says, “The United States would like to sincerely apologize to Iran… for you all being a bunch of dickheads.” Then we let Israel bomb the hell out of them, enabling the US to win the game of Middle Eastern tic-tac-toe that we’ve evidently been playing for the past eight years.

I’m pretty sure that the other day was the first time that I wrote “President Obama.” That’s cool and all, but I think I may be more excited for Bush’s post-Presidency years. I really hope that he can just be a cool guy. Now that he’s out of office, I want Bush to be the guy that headbutted David Tyree, dodged shoes, and threw a strike while wearing a bulletproof vest. I want him to say outrageous things, and just not care about it. Most of all, in light of Fred Wilpon losing a ton of money to Bernie Madoff, I really want Bush to buy the Mets. Not only would he be in a public spotlight, but he would probably deport Santana and Reyes, and Wright would somehow end up in Iraq. Someone needs to make this happen.

Class starts in eight minutes, and it’s looking like a lot of people are going to be skipping. I think there’s a pretty good chance that the guest speaker doesn’t show up, and because no one has done the reading for Friday the real teacher just lets us go. Actually, I know that there’s no way that happens, but it would be cool if it did. Probably going to have to roll out the pistratica to get through this class.

I really wish that someone would invent like an eye implant that lets you transmit what you’re seeing to someone else instantaneously. Like, I understand that there are camera phones and crap, but some of the really absurd things that I’ve seen would need to be passed along less obtrusively that they allow. I just think it would be cool, and practical.

Ugh, the speaker is here, I might as well post this and get ready for what is sure to be a riveting hour and a half.