Sex-linked traits

School got canceled due to an overnight storm of freezing rain. I was under the impression that my sordid and unbalanced relationship with snow days would relent after having received a college degree, but last night I employed every superstitious trick I'm aware of to try and will this snow day. It was probably my 1/64 Blackfoot heritage that allowed my inside-out underwear slumbering snow dance to succeed.

But, long story short, I'm home for the day with very little to do and no one to make bad decisions with. So I'm watching Comedy Central. And I'm upset for women everywhere because I still haven't come across a female comic that I find remotely as funny as her male peers. Never. Not ever. And if I did chuckle at a joke from a comedienne, I was grading on a curve.

I like to think that I keep my misogyny quiet, but I can't explain this one away. Amidst my ennui, though, I think I can somewhat rationalize this. As far as I'm aware, all female comics who find their way on to a network comedy special are over or near the age of 35 and either never married or recently divorced. The only other group of people that are this homogeneous are illiterate West Virginians.

It's pretty remarkable when you think about it. And herein lies why my TV is currently muted. There is a quiet desperation in every joke, as if even the time it took to tell the joke was a precious waste of her depleting estrogen and deteriorating ova; a self-effacing humor that more often elicits the sort of uncomfortable laugh you might produce if a man without a left arm repeatedly made jokes about being "all right."

But then again it might just be that men are smarter. That's always a possibility.