This just in...

Sometimes you can tell that CNN is trying really hard to be original. And sometimes, that search for originality leads them to report shit that is neither news nor particularly surprising.

Take, for instance, a headline from the frontpage of CNN.com today:

No good way to tell kids they have cancer

Well you don't say!

I had to open it up. And much like curiosity killed the proverbial cat, it also obliterated some of my bygone brain cells by seering them on frustration the frying pan in a nice you-can't-be-fucking-serious bisque.

The article centers on the Pasley family who two years ago had to tell their 9 year-old daughter Gigi she had cancer. Says Elizabeth Cohen, the sage who wrote this article:

The Pasleys learned that day there's no good way to tell your child she has cancer.

Well skin my ass and cook me up some bacon! It sucks telling someone who hasn't yet reached double digits in age that they have cancer? I had no idea!

Can't we quickly file this under the "shit I could have figured out without having to experience it" section and call it a day? I mean, I don't have kids (and never have had kids, I might add - - in case writing a douchy article about juvenile cancer might lead you to believe otherwise) and I've never told anyone they have been diagnosed with cancer, but just knowing a little bit about cancer I think I could have come up with that assessment even with absolutely no hands-on experience.

And wouldn't it be pretty disturbing if it was easy for you to tell a 9 year-old she had cancer? Wouldn't that be a pretty bad sign?

And again, not to pick on a little girl with cancer, but this story gets more unbelievable.

Not only did it take the Pasleys actually telling their daughter that she had cancer to know that telling their daughter she had cancer would be tough, but this wasn't the first time they had to tell her!

Unfortunately (yet fortunately in the end), Gigi had fought (and beaten) leukemia 3 times before age 9 when she was diagnosed with a new bone cancer.

But it was "that day" when she was 9 that the Pasleys learned that lesson? It didn't cross your mind the first few times you told your daughter she had cancer that that experienced sucked for everyone in earshot?

So the fourth time's the unlucky charm with childhood cancer? Good to know.