Predictions for 2009

So with 2008 ending soon, a lot of people are looking back. Time has its Person of the Year, radio stations are counting down the best songs, all sorts of stuff like this that happens every year is happening again now. And it makes sense, cause a whole lot of crap happened this past year. But I'm bored with that stuff now, so might as well look ahead. Here's what I think is going to happen over the next year.

• No ban on assault weapons will be enacted.
• Of the Big 3 car companies, only Ford will be left standing.
• States that have decriminalized marijuana will try to find a way to tax it.
• The LHC will not destroy the world; idiots will be surprised.
• Fred Phelps will be smited with AIDS.
• Something cool will come about from the opening of White Spaces.
• The GI Joe movie will be amazing, grossing more than The Dark Knight and sweeping the Oscars.
• India and Pakistan will come close to war, but stop before killing everyone on earth.
• Hugo Chavez will be killed in a coup, done in by low oil prices.
• There will be more asinine rumors about Steve Jobs dying, but he’ll survive to see 2010.
• There will be no serious threats on Obama’s life.
• Kim Jong Il will die, or we’ll find out that he’s been dead for a while.
• Somali Pirates will finally push too far, and get their dumb asses sunk. While most news sources will report that it was a US carrier group, 75 years from now documents will be declassified that show they were actually all killed by one ninja.

And here are some sports-related predictions:

• BCS Championship: Flordida (it won't be close)
• Superbowl: Colts
• World Baseball Classic: Dominican Republic
• NCAA Basketball: Oklahoma
• NHL: Devils
• NBA: Meh
• MLB All-Star Game: NL
• NL East: Phillies
• NL WC: Cincinnati
• World Series: Fightins
• Golf: Tiger Woods will win 3 majors
• Omar Minaya will be fired.
• Brett Favre will take up too much time on ESPN, and won’t retire.