America lives to fight another day...

During the first episode of this season of 24, I confidently predicted that Jack Bauer would die. I quickly began to doubt myself, but resisting the urge to backpedal, I told one of my roommates of my prediction and let it simmer.

Weeks passed and I said nothing. I couldn't fully believe that a network show would betray every guideline of cookie-cutter writing and kill off the series protagonist (in a still-viable series), but I didn't rescind my prediction.

And then, months into the season, things began to fall into place.

There was a biological pathogen. There was confirmed exposure. There were seizures. There was the refusal to attempt experimental treatments. There were the tearful goodbyes.

And then, there was the curtain. And the assertion from that dumb bitch Kim that she would defy her father's wishes. And there was also the research of my shrewd roommate who pointed out that Keifer Sutherland had been signed to a three-year contract last year worth $40M.

So that brings the tally to:

Rupert Murdoch- 1
My failed attempts at clairvoyance- 0

Triple-stranded DNA

Between classes today I was talking with some people about what I had just written, mostly zombies, and we started talking about other ways the world might end. Joe brought up triple-stranded DNA, and how that could be pretty crazy.

Triple-stranded DNA has a wikipedia page, but there were very few words there that I understood. And anyway, it’s more fun to speculate about it without being constrained by what is actually scientifically possible.

So if scientists figure out how this all works, what could they do? I have nothing to back this up, but I’m pretty sure they could make some pretty crazy animals. With an extra strand of DNA, they could probably give these alien animals like superpowers or something. They could probably figure out how to throw like telekinesis or something weird like that onto the third strand. I don’t know if they would have to make entirely new animals to take advantage of this, or if they could take a current animal’s DNA, add another helix full of special powers, and create like a super giraffe. That would be sweet.

But I think that the greatest potential here is if scientists start giving a third helix to human DNA. If they start doing this, I would volunteer to have my DNA amplified. I’m sure there would be risks all over the place, but the rewards would totally balance it out. Like, what if a third DNA strand gives me superpowers like the Force? That would be incredible, even if I didn’t get a lightsaber too. Though if it were available, I would want a lightsaber as well.

I think the key here, and, again, no science supports this belief, is nanotechnology. We need to make these little robots, because that’s probably the best way to graft a third strand onto all of my DNA. Imagine if it were that simple. Like, you just swallow a couple of nanobot pills, and they go through your body like a molecular black ops team amplifying your DNA. And then like twenty minutes later you can move things with your mind and baffle stormtroopers. Who wouldn’t want to do this?

Seriously, science is pretty much the coolest; there are so many possibilities for weird shit that they can do, and I really want to see something crazy happen.

Predictions for 2009

So with 2008 ending soon, a lot of people are looking back. Time has its Person of the Year, radio stations are counting down the best songs, all sorts of stuff like this that happens every year is happening again now. And it makes sense, cause a whole lot of crap happened this past year. But I'm bored with that stuff now, so might as well look ahead. Here's what I think is going to happen over the next year.

• No ban on assault weapons will be enacted.
• Of the Big 3 car companies, only Ford will be left standing.
• States that have decriminalized marijuana will try to find a way to tax it.
• The LHC will not destroy the world; idiots will be surprised.
• Fred Phelps will be smited with AIDS.
• Something cool will come about from the opening of White Spaces.
• The GI Joe movie will be amazing, grossing more than The Dark Knight and sweeping the Oscars.
• India and Pakistan will come close to war, but stop before killing everyone on earth.
• Hugo Chavez will be killed in a coup, done in by low oil prices.
• There will be more asinine rumors about Steve Jobs dying, but he’ll survive to see 2010.
• There will be no serious threats on Obama’s life.
• Kim Jong Il will die, or we’ll find out that he’s been dead for a while.
• Somali Pirates will finally push too far, and get their dumb asses sunk. While most news sources will report that it was a US carrier group, 75 years from now documents will be declassified that show they were actually all killed by one ninja.

And here are some sports-related predictions:

• BCS Championship: Flordida (it won't be close)
• Superbowl: Colts
• World Baseball Classic: Dominican Republic
• NCAA Basketball: Oklahoma
• NHL: Devils
• NBA: Meh
• MLB All-Star Game: NL
• NL East: Phillies
• NL WC: Cincinnati
• World Series: Fightins
• Golf: Tiger Woods will win 3 majors
• Omar Minaya will be fired.
• Brett Favre will take up too much time on ESPN, and won’t retire.