Showing posts with label Propaganda. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Propaganda. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2009

Brief Thoughts

I’m done my brief, 4600 words. I’m pretty sure that my guy is gonna win. Whatever. On to more important things.

The Governor of Texas is in way over his head. Secession? Really? That worked out so well the first time, didn’t it. Honestly, I’m excited about it too, and really hope they go through with it. First of all, I think America would be a better place without the Lone Star State. Too many evangelicals there. Second, and most importantly, if Texas secedes, I’m pretty sure there would be a zombie outbreak. In fact, I’m certain of it. If Texas leaves the Union again, Andrew Jackson will rise from the dead an lead an army of zombies on a rampage all the way to the Rio Grande, not stopping until he hangs or eats the brains of every secessionist down there, starting with Rick Perry.

A couple days ago a statement was made public warning about right wing extremists. This, naturally, made the right wing extremists flip out. But, uh, the more they flip out, the closer they get to doing the things that the government was warning about. Facist-leaning Republicans seem to struggle with irony. And common sense.

Oh, and they don’t really have a sense of humor either. Fox News has a really bitchy article up about how CNN and MSNBC weren’t respectful enough of their contrived tax day protest. Evidently when Sean Hannity and whoever else came up with their idiotic tea party idea, they didn’t consult any high school sophomores, who would have exposed the obvious flaw. So CNN and MSNBC did their duty as proud American institutions and made the obligatory teabagging jokes. I think that some guy named David Shuster wins the prize for most awesome mockery of Fox News and this whole endeavor, saying, "Teabagging day for the right wing and they are going nuts for it, " followed by "They want to give President Obama a strong tongue-lashing and lick government spending." You think that Fox News would catch on to the mockery, and maybe adapt, but they haven’t. In the middle of the article there is an invitation to join the forums and comment about this whole debacle. The link reads, “Click here to join the discussion on teabagging.” I swear I didn’t make any of this up.

Even Ann Coulter weighed in on this teabagging discussion, acting every bit as sanctimonious as Fox News, but with more jokes about Barney Frank. As an aside, can someone explain to me why I read Ann Coulter’s web site? I thought I was better than that. But even though I read her regularly, I can’t remember I got all the way through one of her postings; it seems every week there’s a paragraph that makes my head hurt so much I need to jump over to youtube and watch Bobby Orr highlights until the pain goes away. This week the line was, “Obama's biggest shortcoming is that he believes the things believed by all Democrats, which have had devastating consequences every time they are put into effect.” What the hell? Was Clinton’s Presidency so devastating? Certainly it wasn’t as bad as Bush’s time in office (pick whichever Bush you prefer, neither was any good). Seriously, how does she get away with making such absurd claims.

Getting back to this whole secession thing, just because it baffles me, and it’s still a big deal, people are now polling Texans about a couple of the issues here. I’m like to interpret these numbers for you. 31% of Texas voters say their state has the right to secede. From this, it stands to reason that 31% of Texas voters are mildly retarded. This figure may be low, however, because I sincerely doubt that most Texans know what the word “secede” means. 18% of Texas voters say that they would vote to leave the Union; these are more likely than not the same people that were trumpeting the phrase “’Merica! Love it or leave it!” over the last eight years. Clearly these Texans don’t love America, which must make them terrorists. You’re either with us or against us.

If Dmitry Medvedev were an American, he would vote Republican, live in Texas, watch Fox News, and probably have a lifesize cutout of Bill O’Reilly in his bedroom. But he’s not, he’s a Russian. And he’s warning NATO not to run any war games in Georgia. So, if I follow his logic, it’s ok to invade Georgia and kill a shit ton of people there, but having a military exercise in the country is way out of line. Weird.

One more Republican I don’t like (can you tell that there aren’t any stories about outer space or dinosaurs) is Norm Coleman, the guy who lost the Minnesota Senate race to Al Franken, but won’t go away. Seriously, this guy, when it seemed like he was winning, said that Franken should concede so Minnesota could be properly represented. (He really did say something like this, I just don’t feel like looking up where; if you don’t believe me look it up for yourself.) Naturally, he’s now losing, has been for months, but won’t concede. He’s pretty much burned up all his state court options, and now he’s gonna introduce a suit in federal court. I don’t think he’ll win, because, quite simply, fewer people voted for him than voted for Franken, but if it gets to the Supreme Court all bets are off; Franken could win by thousands of votes in Minnesota, but when he loses by one in Washington (and he will), he’ll be screwed.

Finally, I’m going to just briefly throw out my two cents on the debate about LeBron James that is raging over at our sister-blog, www.dauerism.wordpress.com. The Yankee hat thing doesn’t bother me, and I don’t care about all this talk about him eventually going to the Knicks. LeBron actually seems like a pretty good guy. But when his career and Dwayne Wade’s career are both over, I really want to be able to look back and say that, yeah, James was a much more talented player, but he’s no Dwayne Wade, and then point to the five NBA championships that Wade has won and the zero that James has. That would just be amusing.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Fred Barnes: Mildly Retarded?

He sure is making the case that he is, in this, er, defense of Bush's presidency. Yeah, I read an article from the Weekly Standard. I knew it was a bad idea, and I did it anyway. Consider this my penance:

The postmortems on the presidency of George W. Bush are all wrong. The liberal line is that Bush dangerously weakened America's position in the world and rushed to the aid of the rich and powerful as income inequality worsened.

Meh, sounds about right to me.

That is twaddle.

So’s your face!

Conservatives--okay, not all of them--have only been a little bit kinder. They give Bush credit for the surge that saved Iraq, but not for much else.

Wow, I guess Bush was finally able to forge a consensus between the left and right. They agree he sucked.

He deserves better. His presidency was far more successful than not. And there's an aspect of his decision-making that merits special recognition: his courage.

Well, I guess he’s agile. That’s pretty cool. Does that count as a success?

Time and time again, Bush did what other presidents, even Ronald Reagan, would not have done and for which he was vilified and abused. That--defiantly doing the right thing--is what distinguished his presidency.

Doing things that other Presidents wouldn’t have done does not make him a good President. It probably makes him a bad President. If Presidents like Jackson or Washington or FDR or (fine) even Reagan wouldn’t do something, it probably isn’t a good idea.

Bush had ten great achievements (and maybe more) in his eight years in the White House, starting with his decision in 2001 to jettison the Kyoto global warming treaty so loved by Al Gore, the environmental lobby, elite opinion, and Europeans. The treaty was a disaster, with India and China exempted and economic decline the certain result. Everyone knew it. But only Bush said so and acted accordingly.

Well, I can’t argue with this one, agreeing to the Kyoto Accords would have been a terrible idea, it was pretty much just a bunch of countries coming together and saying “fuck you, America.” But he didn’t go far enough; yeah, he didn’t join Kyoto, but he didn’t do anything else. For rejecting Kyoto to be ruled a success, he would have needed to follow it up with something else, some other, better, environmental agreement. But he didn’t.

He stood athwart mounting global warming hysteria and yelled, "Stop!" He slowed the movement toward a policy blunder of worldwide impact, providing time for facts to catch up with the dubious claims of alarmists. Thanks in part to Bush, the supposed consensus of scientists on global warming has now collapsed. The skeptics, who point to global cooling over the past decade, are now heard loud and clear. And a rational approach to the theory of manmade global warming is possible.

And I guess this is why: he still doesn’t believe in global warming. You know who else doesn’t believe in global warming? The Russians. Some Russian scientists are claiming that we’re actually about to enter another ice age, pointing to how cyclical that has been. But, um, Russian scientists tried to make a human-ape chimera, so, well, fuck them.

Second, enhanced interrogation of terrorists. Along with use of secret prisons and wireless eavesdropping, this saved American lives. How many thousands of lives? We'll never know. But, as Charles Krauthammer said recently, "Those are precisely the elements which kept us safe and which have prevented a second attack."

I’m pretty much ok with the secret prisons and the humiliation of prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Seriously, fuck those guys. But domestic wiretapping? That’s such a ridiculous violation of civil liberties I can’t imagine anyone calling it a success. We can’t just ignore things like the Bill of Rights; the Taliban didn’t have a Bill of Rights either, and they’re not the best government role model.

Crucial intelligence was obtained from captured al Qaeda leaders, including 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, with the help of waterboarding. Whether this tactic--it creates a drowning sensation--is torture is a matter of debate. John McCain and many Democrats say it is. Bush and Vice President Cheney insist it isn't.

I don’t really care about whether waterboarding is torture or not, but just looking at who believes it is, and who says it isn’t, I’m inclined to say that it just might be. Seriously, I think you could be a pretty good person if you lived your entire life doing the opposite of what Dick Cheney would do, almost like the Costanza Method.

In any case, it was necessary. Lincoln once made a similar point in defending his suspension of habeas corpus in direct defiance of Chief Justice Roger Taney. "Are all the laws but one to go unexecuted, and the government itself go to pieces, lest that one be violated?" Lincoln asked. Bush understood the answer in wartime had to be no.

I think the biggest difference between the two was that Lincoln regretted the suspension, while Bush reveled in it.

Bush's third achievement was the rebuilding of presidential authority, badly degraded in the era of Vietnam, Watergate, and Bill Clinton. He didn't hesitate to conduct wireless surveillance of terrorists without getting a federal judge's okay. He decided on his own how to treat terrorists and where they should be imprisoned. Those were legitimate decisions for which the president, as commander in chief, should feel no need to apologize.

Where Bush didn’t do enough with Kyoto, here he went too far. A strong executive branch is important, but Bush crippled the other two branches, destroying the system of checks and balances that is so important to this form of government. And that was shown to be a terrible thing with the wiretapping. Bush didn’t only decide how to treat terrorists, he also decided who was a terrorist, and that was overstepping his authority.

Defending, all the way to the Supreme Court, Cheney's refusal to disclose to Congress the names of people he'd consulted on energy policy was also enormously important. Democratic congressman Henry Waxman demanded the names, but the Court upheld Cheney, 7-2. Last week, Cheney defended his refusal, waspishly noting that Waxman "doesn't call me up and tell me who he's meeting with."

Seriously, are there more than like five people in the country that don’t think Dick Cheney is an asshole?

Achievement number four was Bush's unswerving support for Israel. Reagan was once deemed Israel's best friend in the White House. Now Bush can claim the title. He ostracized Yasser Arafat as an impediment to peace in the Middle East. This infuriated the anti-Israel forces in Europe, the Third World, and the United Nations, and was criticized by champions of the "peace process" here at home. Bush was right.

I have no problem with supporting Israel, and they’re really in a shitty situation, but unswerving? I don’t think it’s a good thing to turn a blind eye to whatever Israel does; if we’re going to support them, there should be some accountability.

He was clever in his support. Bush announced that Ariel Sharon should withdraw the tanks he'd sent into the West Bank in 2002, then exerted zero pressure on Sharon to do so. And he backed the wall along Israel's eastern border without endorsing it as an official boundary, while knowing full well that it might eventually become exactly that. He was a loyal friend.

How is this good? It seems like Sharon just did whatever the hell he felt like. That sure makes the US look good.

His fifth success was No Child Left Behind (NCLB), the education reform bill cosponsored by America's most prominent liberal Democratic senator Edward Kennedy. The teachers' unions, school boards, the education establishment, conservatives adamant about local control of schools--they all loathed the measure and still do. It requires two things they ardently oppose, mandatory testing and accountability.

If all these groups are against it, groups that are often opposed, maybe it’s not the best measure.

Kennedy later turned against NCLB, saying Bush is shortchanging the program. In truth, federal education spending is at record levels. Another complaint is that it forces teachers to "teach to the test." The tests are on math and reading. They are tests worth teaching to.

Seriously, as an idea, it’s fine, but you can’t say that it hasn’t been underfunded. We may be spending more on education at a federal level than ever before, but what about local levels? This is just misdirection on the part of some neocon dipshit trying to rescue Bush’s legacy. NCLB clearly isn’t working; yeah, we’re testing math and reading, but kids aren’t exactly doing well on those tests. Seriously, kids are pretty stupid. This isn’t working.

Sixth, Bush declared in his second inaugural address in 2005 that American foreign policy (at least his) would henceforth focus on promoting democracy around the world. This put him squarely in the Reagan camp, but he was lambasted as unrealistic, impractical, and a tool of wily neoconservatives. The new policy gave Bush credibility in pressing for democracy in the former Soviet republics and Middle East and in zinging various dictators and kleptocrats. It will do the same for President Obama, if he's wise enough to hang onto it.

I’m sure this would be great if it weren’t a lie. While on the one hand Bush is supporting democracy in Georgia, he seems pretty content in dealing with a regressive monarchy in Saudi Arabia. It’s all about money, government type is irrelevant.

The seventh achievement is the Medicare prescription drug benefit, enacted in 2003. It's not only wildly popular; it has cost less than expected by triggering competition among drug companies. Conservatives have deep reservations about the program. But they shouldn't have been surprised. Bush advocated the drug benefit in the 2000 campaign. And if he hadn't acted, Democrats would have, with a much less attractive result.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know anything about this. But you have to love the partisan hackery of assuming that Democrats would do a worse job.

Then there were John Roberts and Sam Alito. In putting them on the Supreme Court and naming Roberts chief justice, Bush achieved what had eluded Richard Nixon, Reagan, and his own father. Roberts and Alito made the Court indisputably more conservative. And the good news is Roberts, 53, and Alito, 58, should be justices for decades to come.

Ugh, I guess Bush and his acolytes would view this as a success. I think it’s more nauseating, especially Alito.

Bush's ninth achievement has been widely ignored. He strengthened relations with east Asian democracies (Japan, South Korea, Australia) without causing a rift with China. On top of that, he forged strong ties with India. An important factor was their common enemy, Islamic jihadists. After 9/11, Bush made the most of this, and Indian leaders were receptive. His state dinner for Indian prime minister Manmohan Singh in 2006 was a lovefest.

Um, the US already had strong ties with all those countries. And Bush made things a hell of a lot worse with North Korea, and made Pakistan dangerously unstable. But I’m sure that was a hell of a dinner.

Finally, a no-brainer: the surge. Bush prompted nearly unanimous disapproval in January 2007 when he announced he was sending more troops to Iraq and adopting a new counterinsurgency strategy. His opponents initially included the State Department, the Pentagon, most of Congress, the media, the foreign policy establishment, indeed the whole world. This makes his decision a profile in courage. Best of all, the surge worked. Iraq is now a fragile but functioning democracy.

Um, the surge wouldn’t have even been necessary if he hadn’t fabricated reasons for going to war, and then completely botched everything that came after steamrolling the Iraqi army. Basically, Bush fucked up hardcore, repeatedly, and then did something well that brought us back to where we would have been if he had only fucked up hardcore a few times, and this guy is congratulating him for it.

How does Bush rank as a president? We won't know until he's judged from the perspective of two or three decades. Hindsight forced a sharp upgrading of the presidencies of Harry Truman and Dwight Eisenhower. Given his achievements, it may have the same effect for Bush.

Um, yeah, I guess hindsight is important, but if I were to guess, I would say he’s going to find himself in the company of Buchanan and Hoover, regardless of how many apologies Fred Barnes writes.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Old campaign stunts never die, or even fade away

I don’t know why I still go to Drudge Report; Newswer is more fun, and has more dinosaur stories. It seems every time I’m there I find a story that pisses me off. Since Ann Coulter has a new book out, he’s been linking to a whole lot of shit. Well, today was no different, as Drudge linked to seven infuriating sentences.

Seriously, Joe the Plumber is going to be a war correspondent? On one hand, I suppose this is good for him, as maybe he’ll get around to paying his back taxes. But other than that, I don’t see how anyone is going to benefit from this.

Joe says that he wants to let “Israel’s Average Joe’s share their story.” I can only presume that he said Average Joe rather than Joe Six-Pack because he’s unsure of how many bottle of manishewitz come in a case.

But seriously, what possible qualifications could this guy have to serve as a war correspondent? I understand that he’s a staunch supporter of Israel, but that doesn’t mean he knows, well, anything. Is he going to tie this conflict to the Six Day War, or how the Oslo Accords have pretty much let Israel isolate the Gaza Strip?

It’s clearly not ok that Hamas just lobs rockets into Israel whenever they feel like it, and refuse to acknowledge that Israel even has a right to exist. And by sending tanks into civilian areas Israel is clearly blowing past all possible chance of keeping its response proportionate. There’s so much going on here, and there has been for years, that I think the public deserves a better war correspondent than Joe the Plumber, one who is able to decipher some of the subtleties of the situation and not merely spout right-wing hate rhetoric.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Seriously though, this will sell so well

Prior to November, I used to struggle pretty severely with writer’s block. I would play freecell ad nauseum, desperately trying to distract myself from having nothing to write. Well, with Barack Obama’s election to the Oval Office, this is no longer a problem. I just look at my Obama Plate, and get inspired by his confident smile and kind eyes. And I’m not the only one. Seriously, this whole commercial is ridiculous and staged, but the guy ten seconds in is the worst. Thanks to Jon for the heads up on this one:

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Every Kiss Begins with "Fuck Off"

In many ways, the Christmas season really is the most wonderful time of the year. In other ways, it's fucking infuriating.

For instance, I'm currently a Secret Santa at work. Today I had 3 Quizno's cookies waiting for me at 7am. Most wonderful! But at the same time, I have to track down Christian literature to give to my boss as his Secret Santa. Not so most wonderful.

But what has to be the worst part is the commercials, which start in October and suck the whole way through. And this year I have to give props to Kay Jewelers for coming up with by far the worst commercial of the season.

It should not be shocking when I say that Christmas commercials lie. That's their job, to tell you an over-priced product is worth the price they charge. They want you to believe that the newest Swedish Ab ball will make you look like the Hoff with little to no effort, that those friends who never return your calls will suddenly come over and play if you get the new Wii party pack, and that something shiny will make up for the fact that you are a shitty lover.

The Kay commercial in question centers on this last variety of propaganda. Allow me to please debunk the lies behind this bullshit.

The commercial begins with a douchebag and his ladyfriend scampering towards the Christmas tree to sit Indian style. I wonder what the surprise is!

Douchebag: (Struggling) I'm sorry...my signing...still...isn't very good.
Woman: (Subtitled and silently mouthed) You're doing fine.

Oh yeah, something I forgot to mention: broheim's dating a deaf girl. The chick can't hear.

This raises two interesting questions.

1. How the hell did these two meet?
Other than your local American Sign Language Convention, which every 20-something guy stalks for fresh snapper (obviously!), I'm thinking bar. He didn't notice she couldn't hear because it was loud, she didn't notice he had nothing to offer because she can't hear - - bada bing bada boom. To be honest, I can't really fault either one there. Shit happens at bars.

2. Why are they still together?
This question is much harder to get my head around. My first guess is guilt. Dude hooked up with a deaf chick, felt bad about it, and decided that he believed himself to be too good of a person to break up with a woman simply because she couldn't hear him yell BAGAWK while he climaxed. And now, he finds himself in too deep.

So what do you do now? Try and make the best of it! Let's learn some American Sign Language!

I will be operating under the assumption that our male protagonist has gotten himself in way over his head and cannot admit that "not being able to hear" is a deciding factor for him in the 1 or 0 binary system of dating.

Douchebag: I learned another sign today.
Woman: (subtitled, silently mouthed, but excited. Well, at least I think she's excited. Tough to tell without any intonation) Really?
[Douchebag grabs a package from beneath a likely fake tree]
Douchebag: (struggling, oh so hard) Merry...Christmas.

Chick opens a box to reveal a Bulova watch. We later learn that she likes it ("Read my lips" she says with a kiss. Get it?! She can't speak so she lip reads! But kisses involve lips, too! Ah Ha!).

So, here's the message that Kay hopes the simple-minded American will take with him/her:
True love exists! Look! A moderately attractive young man is fighting to overcome the biological and environmental constraints (namely, the ability or inability to hear) that have for so long separated him from his true love, and now that they are together he is expressing his love for her by buying her something nice! OOH! I should buy something nice for someone close to me!

And here's the story as it really happened:
Our friend got drunk and fucked a chick in closed captioning. And now that Bulova watches are 25% off at Kay, he has bought her a flashy pity gift.

I have 2 to 5 odds he's out the door before Christmas Eve. And the best part is he can slam that door and she'll never know...