Groundhog Day?

In the week or so since Dick decided to get back into writing here, I've been looking for something to write about. Unfortunately, I haven't really found anything that interests me, so I've tried to figure out why. And the conclusion I came to while scouring Newser.com for something to write about was this: pretty much everything is the same as it was two years ago.

Maybe that's pessimistic, and admittedly it's pretty hard to discern progress without some amount of hindsight, but seriously, look at what's happening now:

• Sarah Palin has unleashed her inner media whore, and the media (and no one else) is following breathlessly.
• Lance Armstrong is being accused of using steroids in a bike race that happened almost a decade ago (I'd appreciate it if someone would let 60 Minutes know that no one, probably not even Lance Armstrong at this point, cares about professional cycling).
• Some global panel has declared that the War on Drugs has been a bust (seriously, I need to find a way to get paid for telling people things that everyone has known for at least fifteen years). No one wants to get rid of drugs, people who make drugs (alcohol and tobacco companies) just want to get rid of the drugs that other people (minorities) make. What drug you're using isn't of any interest to the government, they only care about whose drug it is.
• Shaq retired (I thought he died in 2007).
• Democrats and Republicans are accusing each other of distorting facts and engaging in demagoguery (how else is anyone supposed to get elected when people like my brother, who told me the other day that the number of members of the House changes, are allowed to vote?).
• Seriously, this Octomom lady, the one with the cavernous vagina, still has her name in the news.
• The Supreme Court is still protecting Bush Administration officials from any sort of retribution for how they raped America (and I still can't figure out where there are still people out there who value the opinions of Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, John Ashcroft, and Karl Rove, as if all of their theories of governance hadn't been empirically proven to be abject failures over eight years).
• Some dumb cooze is denying that the naked pictures she took of herself are her (but really, she should just embrace them, she looked good).
• Shit, people are still talking about the vapid whore with the ass, the one that Ray J pissed on.
• The Phillies are better than the Mets.

So what's actually happening that isn't a boring retread of things that have been covered ad nauseum over the last two or three years? Well, there's the shocking revelation that Frank Sinatra took twelve showers a day. I guess that's interesting. Meh. Someone in government has finally started trying to do something about the disgustingly racist sentencing disparity between convictions for possession of cocaine and crack. I guess it's refreshing that Obama is being criticized for his "European ways"; I mean, the underlying complaint is still that he's not American enough (because he's black), but it's a nice break from the Kenyan agitation and Islamophobia.

So really, what is there to write about that hasn't already been beaten into the ground? Oh well, I guess I'm not one to talk, I wrote this while listening to Blink 182 and SR-71.

And we’re back. Again. At least I am. Get excited.

So it’s been a while. Here are some things that have caught my attention recently.

The guy who owns the Utah Jazz’ D-League team wants to stage a one on one game between Michael Jordan and Bryon Russell. He’ll make a donation to the winner’s charity of choice. Tremendously noble. But he thinks that this game should happen during halftime of his team’s season opener. Come on, how delusional is this guy? If Michael Jordan is going to play any sort of basketball game, I feel pretty comfortable saying that it won’t be during halftime of a Utah Flash game.

I drink almost exclusively from two cups. The first is a 7-11 GI Joe souvenir cup with Duke on it. I do have the entire set of four, but the Duke cup is my favorite. The second cup is a Phillies 2008 World Series Champions pint glass. To clear up any potential misconceptions about this glass, I didn’t steal it from a bar. At some point in the night I ended up with it, it became more of an effort to bring it back to the bar than to keep it, so I just brought it home with me. Again, not stealing. Brett Myers would understand. Also, GI Joe and the Phillies? Convince me I’m not an eight year old.

Moammar Gadhafi is saying things. I didn’t read this whole article, because it was boring, but one part of it jumped out at me. Gadhafi wants to get rid of the veto power that the five permanent members of the Security Council have. I hope this proposal goes all the way through, and then at the very last minute we veto it. Fuck him. Also, the capitalization of teleprompter in this article amused me. TelePrompTer. Weird.

I have a new favorite website: http://glennbeckrapedandmurderedayounggirlin1990.com/. The URL is a little bit misleading. No one is saying that Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. I don’t know if Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. But Glenn Beck has refused to deny that he raped and murdered a young girl in 1990. So did Glenn Beck rape and murder a young girl in 1990? Probably. Fuck him.

Last week I met someone who claims to have “no emotions.” That just isn’t true. To quote someone who is almost certainly a genius, “it means that she’s so emotional that she can’t feel any one emotion over all the others at catastrophically high levels.” You shouldn’t be walking away from people like this, you should be running.

This story was pretty funny. This coach is setting a precedent that may come back to kick his ass, but it’s still a pretty stand up move. Nevertheless, I still think that Chip Kelly is an asshole, and will continue to think so until he revokes LaGarrette Blount’s suspension. Yeah, Blount hit a guy in the face, but the guy probably deserved it, and Blount apologized like right away. The guy he hit has accepted the apology, so Oregon should drop their self-righteous, draconian punishment and let Blount have at least some of a senior season.

Sunday is International Michael Vick Appreciation Day. (That may not be actually true.) He’s going to destroy the Chiefs. He was holding back during the preseason. He’s going to score like six touchdowns. Adjust your fantasy rosters accordingly.