Thumbs 4: The Secret of the Thumbs

Thumbs Up: Parent/Teacher Conferences. Other than the fact that I was at school from 7am to 7pm last night, PTCs are like a holiday. It's the one day a year where I get to look a parent in the eye and either say, "Your kid is great - - don't go changin'" or "If I never saw your kid in my class again, it would be too late" (in so many words, of course). I get equal enjoyment out of both encounters.

Thumbs Down: Officer Dickhead who pulled over Ryan Moats. This is oldhat at this point, but I can't tell enough people how much I despise this guy. If you haven't seen the video of the encounter, head over to Deadspin and watch true douchebaggery in action as Houston's Finest give pride to the shield. Earlier this week, the officer in question resigned, but I hope he goes the way of Mike Nifong and gets a stay at Federal Pound Me in the Ass Prison.

Thumbs Up: Wiffleball. Baseball season starts Sunday, but wiffleball season has already begun. To some people spring starts when they see a robin, to others the season is ushered in by shirtless white trash. But you know spring is really here when you pull your first line drive with a bright yellow bat.

Thumbs Down: Whoever gives out the Peabody Awards. CNN got a Peabody award for their political coverage. I guess someone has to get this award, but CNN blows. As I write this, some of CNN.com’s headlines include: “Mom urges kids to chug vodka, cops say,” “First Lady, Queen embrace; tongues wag,” “Valerie Bertinelli hanging on to fat clothes,” and “Proposal diamond slips through bridge.” And these aren’t obscure headlines pulled from the depths of the site, they’re right from the front page; you don’t even need to scroll down. That’s award-winning journalism.

Thums Up: National Poetry Month. Clearly, I’m not worried about ‘Thumbs’ being a popularity contest. Poetry is quite possibly the most underappreciated art form, so get yourself some culture this month. Dust off that copy of Leaves of Grass that’s been propping up the couch’s uneven leg or the copy of The Waste Land that you haven’t touched since (or, let’s be serious, during) school and give it a once over. You might just like. And that’s coming straight from Sam-I-Am.

Thumbs Down: Conficker. Seriously, I’m not even mad at these Eastern European hackers, I’m just disappointed. April Fool’s Day came and went and all the virus did was what it’s been doing… nothing. Whatever happened to showmanship? After all the hype I was expecting a Skynet scenario. I’ll give them until the end of the month to make their slave computers self-aware and start killing household pets, otherwise I’m going to go on record and call them punk-asses.