I'm better at Christianity than you

Leviticus doesn’t care if you gay marry. Well, that guy might, but he doesn’t matter. The important thing to know is that Jesus doesn’t care. Seriously, it wouldn’t bother Him at all. He even said it. I swear, it’s in the Bible. Fine, I’ll prove it.

Jesus was, by all accounts, a pretty good guy. It’s really a shame that the 2000ish years after He died have been filled with dumbasses and shitheads perverting everything He said. Like, the Crusades. Does anyone think that Jesus would have approved of that? Going by what He taught, I’m going to guess not. But that’s not the point. I’m going to tell you the religious dogmatic justification for gay marriage.

First, I guess we should know what biblical passage douchebags base their opposition. The most quoted source is Leviticus 18:22. It says, “Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind; it is abomination.” I’m using the King James Version of the Bible, here and throughout this post, because it seems pretty well respected. Anyway, for those of you not familiar with Leviticus, it’s basically of book of God giving a bunch of rules to Moses that I guess weren’t important enough to be included in the Ten Commandments. That’s essentially the whole book, just God telling Moses what the Jews could and couldn’t do. One rule says that a priest must marry a virgin (I’m pretty sure a priest wrote the book), another says that you can’t eat animals like hare, coney (never heard of it, but it’s probably delicious), or pigs.

Clearly people have been pretty selective in deciding what rules of Leviticus to follow. That’s because, and I absolutely believe this, most really religious people are awful hypocrites; it starts with the Pope and extends downwards through Catholicism, and just rampages through protestant and evangelical denominations. These people seem to have forgotten the disdain Jesus had for hypocrites. But just because people that don’t want to allow gay marriage love eating bacon doesn’t mean that Leviticus doesn’t matter. Leviticus doesn’t matter because Jesus said it doesn’t.

I don’t understand why people are so willing to go back to Leviticus when there are other sources, specifically the Gospels. Well, I do, it’s because the Gospels don’t give them the answers they want. Matthew 22 deals with all the laws in Leviticus. Jesus is being questioned by a bunch of Pharisees and Sadducees, and these guys are pretty big assholes. After Jesus annihilates the Sadducees, an uppity Pharisee tries to trick Him. He asks Jesus what the most important law is. Jesus answers, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. “ (22:37-39). Nothing about not marrying another man, nothing about not eating pork, nothing about priests marrying virgins. Why? Because all of these rules are ridiculous. Seriously. If you want to get married, or have gotten married, who are you to stop someone else? I’m not saying that this invalidates the 10 Commandments or any of that nonsense. They’re consistent with this. Don’t kill anyone, because you wouldn’t want anyone to kill you. The same goes for stealing from them, or lying to them.

Jesus just wanted people to stop being dicks. No one remembers that. John 11 says that Jesus wept when He heard that Lazarus was dead. He must be bawling over the current state of the Church.