You know who's a dick?

Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe. Yeah, bold statement, isn’t it? But seriously, he’s a douchebag. Look at some of the things he’s done: he’s redistributed land, leaving his country starving, he’s completely killed the value of the Zimbabwe dollar, he’s stayed in power for over twenty years through all sorts of questionable methods, and he’s just not a good ruler. And then last week he may have been involved in arraigning an assassination attempt on his Prime Minister, who is also the leader of the opposition party (and who actually beat Mugabe in a Presidential election last year). The Prime Minister, whose wife died in the attack, has said that it was just an accident, and there was nothing sinister about it. Meh, he probably has to say that just to stay alive.

Anyway, the funeral for the wife, Susan Tsvangirai, was today. And Mugabe went! Not only did he go, but he spoke there! What the hell? Come on, if there’s a cloud of suspicion hanging over you, stay the fuck away. Of course, Mugabe used this platform to say it wasn’t his fault, calling the accident “the hand of God.” That’s bullshit. Seriously, I don’t understand how Mugabe has been able to get away with being an asshole for so long. Look at Guinea-Bissau, leaders are getting killed in Africa all the time. How has no one put a bullet in his head yet?

Unrelated, but here’s something else that bothers me. When you look at something that lists all the US Presidents in the same place, and has a picture of them, the same picture is used for Grover Cleveland for his no-consecutive terms. I think that he should get different pictures. He had to have looked different, Obama is aging pretty dramatically already, so let’s represent his Presidencies with different pictures. He deserves it.

Update: Lincoln still cool, dead

Some pretty cool stuff happened to commemorate Lincoln's birthday over the last few days. Obama gave a great speech, they had flower-laying ceremonies at his grave, the state of Illinois collectively ejaculated, and you can't count the number of articles that have been written about him. Speaking of which, do you know that only 2 people have more books written in English about them than Lincoln? And those two people are Jesus and Shakespeare. That's a pretty ballin' top 3.

But something else happened for Lincoln's birthday: they re-opened Ford's Theatre.

Now if you were Abraham Lincoln, and you were able to rise from the grave just for the ceremonies marking the 200th anniversary of your birth I'd have to imagine you'd have mixed feelings about this. Flowers at your grave? Touching. Speeches in your honor (used to wield power over an impending vote ahem ahem)? Great. Visiting the site of your unexpected and gruesome death? Not as much fun. "But Abe, we'll be reading your speeches and reciting some of your work! You have to be there!"

"No, I think I'll take a rain-check on this one," reincarnate Abe would likely say. "Still have a bad taste in my mouth from the last time."

Happy Birthday to y - - Holy Shit! Both of you were born today?!

That was essentially my reaction when Gimpy told me that Darwin beat out Abe Lincoln for the jazzed-up Google logo today, though both of them turn 200 today. I find it pretty remarkable that Darwin beat out Honest Abe for greater notoriety. Darwin did some ground-breaking shit, but by any metric, Lincoln is one of the top 3 Presidents (if not by quality, than certainly by importance).

It would probably be appropriate at this point to admit that I have a huge boner for Lincoln. I've read 2 biographies of him and (I think) every one of his speeches let alone some of his written work. He's an incredible person, and if you don't believe me read Lincoln's Melancholy. It's an incredible look at the life-long depression that that gangly motherfucker faced.

But the more important thing here is that both Darwin and Lincoln were born on the exact same day! What the fuck?! That is absurd! That's on par with Jefferson and John Adams both dying on the same day within hours of each other. Oh, and that date of their death also happens to be the 50th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. (Look me in the face and tell me those two weren't euthanized, though. You can't. That's how unbelievable that is. But that's a story for another day.)

No single person has had a greater impact on science since Newton than Darwin has; and I'm including Einstein in that. Darwin's theory was so impressive that it touched almost every area of daily life, including how it impacted American social structure for the next 50-odd years. And Darwin's thoughts impact far more people on a daily basis than those of any other scientists and maybe any other thinker of the last two centuries. Think about it.

But Lincoln. Every grammar school kid knows what Lincoln did. Every presidential scholar (or close to it) considers Lincoln to be the best writer of our 43 Presidents (see below if you think that number should be 44). Lincoln was so important that everyone still knows John Wilkes Booth's name.

But I've glossed over the most important revelation here: given that these two titans of history were born on the same day, you have to wonder - - who shares a birthday with me?